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Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
5:21 pm - turns out this wasn't deleted afterall
i thought i'd lost my account here until i found my journal in a google search. cool.

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Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
10:56 am
You Are The Lovers

You represent ideal love: innocence, trust, exhilaration and joy.
You demonstrate the harmony of opposites, two sides coming together.
At times, you also represent the struggle between what is right and what is tempting.
Control is an issue for you, especially when you don't know your reasons for choosing something.

Your fortune:

You have an important choice you need to make about love, and it will be a difficult choice to make.
You are likely struggling between the love you crave and the love that is right.
In the end, you will choose what you crave, even if it's bad for you.
Because without what you crave, you will feel empty and incomplete.

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Sunday, May 28th, 2006
11:04 pm - greetings
i'm so sick of livejournal. nobody ever says anything meaningful and people just pretend to be your friends and nobody really gives a crap about what you say and . . .

no, just kidding. it's just been a while since i've posted, so i thought i'd say hi.

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Sunday, May 21st, 2006
12:23 am - you, me, coffee, and a bag of indecision
sitting here drinking coffee, eating chocolate, and reflecting on the past as a whole. i like that it's been so long since i've eaten bon bons that most of my memories of having them are at krista's old house.
it's been lovely living in this house with these two girls. i can't believe it's been a year already and time to move on. it almost seems like i just got here.
tonight seemed like a good time to update some blogs, and here i am. i <3 you guys. hey, remember when i didn't know that <3 was supposed to be a heart and i was all like "why the fuck to people keep typing that? what does it mean?"
i had a similiar moment on thursday when i'd stayed up writing in a strange little story of mine until after 3 in the morning. i woke up at 6:47 and was all like "oh my god, i slept through like almost all of thursday!" then i got this really funny thought that i was positive wasn't accurate: maybe it was a.m. so i called my mom to ask her, and sure enough, i woke my mom up at 6:47 in the morning.
wow. days.
getting lots of packing done in bits and pieces here and there. i'm gonna miss this place. everything from the soup-opera-esque social interactions to the weird messages on the fridge, and the sign i had to tape on the faucet that said "possessed by satan, do not use" when all that brown stuff was coming out of our kitchen sink. i think i'll save that sign . . .
moving along, moving along . . .

current mood: hopeful

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Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
3:46 pm - stories of tragedy
so, i like how when people tell stories of some incident or catastophe, they always tell the story as if everything leading up to the catastrophe is a perfectly normal thing for a person to be doing.


title: i used to have a toaster
so, i used to have a toaster, right? but this one day, i walked into my kitchen, and i saw the dog there actually eating food from the kitchen table. and i was all like oh my god, right? so, you know, i picked up the toaster to throw it at the dog, but while i was throwing it, the dog moved so that the toaster ended up hitting the dog right in the skull and my toaster got broken from the impact. so, i was all like "fuck, i broke my toaster! that damn dog!"

alternate version: i used to have a dog
. . . the toaster ended up hitting the dog right in the skull and it cracked the dog's head open and it died. and i was like "fuck, i just killed the dog." but it was all the dog's fault, you know, it shouldn't have moved. stupid dog.

title: i used to have a kitten
i used to have this kitten, and it was really cute. but then this one day, when i was just, you know, standing around stepping on my kitten (cause stepping on kittens is a perfectly normal thing to do), the phone rang and i got distracted and stepped on the kitten a little too hard and it died. that so totally wasn't my fault, though, cause i had no idea the phone was going to ring. pretty sad, though. i need to get another kitten.

okay, i gotta go to work now. note to others: this is what happens when you leave food around that i can eat. food = energy = crazy.

current mood: crazy

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12:35 am - bored and feeling ignored
and firefox keeps crashing on my today. i lost an entry earlier on my other blog . . . blah.

re-heating old coffee.

i feel useless. it might be the weather. i feel like i haven't done anything all day, even though i know i have done stuff. . .

today it snowed here, like spring was an april fools joke. i went for a walk in the slushing and it made my arms all numb and tingly. kinda fun. the wind kept blowing open our front door, and the water in the puddles outside was flowing faster than i've seen some rivers.

i'm having another one of my emo days where i forget it's not supposed to matter to me whether or not people like me or pay attention to what i say. i knew there was a reason i kept this blog. it's for days like this. moments like this that i don't like admitting to, that only a few of you will see. (of course, even less people would see it if i put it on my other blog, cause even though i like that one better hardly anyone else ever looks at that . . . *voices from the background* what's that? is she whining again? is she going to write another one of those entries where she pretends the voices in her head are arguing amongst themselves)

current mood: blah

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Monday, April 3rd, 2006
1:03 am - where does he find these things?

Which Fucked up "My Little Pony" are you?

You are STONER Pony!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

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Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
9:27 pm
What would your Anime life be like? by hearthlight
Your looks:Long, perpetually flowing hair
Your best friend:A talking magical animal.
Your powers:No powers. Just guns.
Your beloved:A valiant hero.
Your occupation:Minion of evil.
Your ending:Shocking! I can't spoil it.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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Tuesday, March 28th, 2006
11:04 pm - mew

What type of Fae are you?

current mood: silly

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Thursday, March 23rd, 2006
11:15 pm - well . . . yeah
This is as exciting as that "what's your real age" quiz that said im 23. . .

<td align="center">You should have grown up during the eighties

A very different decade for very different people. You like to challenge the norms, and try to be original at all costs. Plus the music was definitely cool. Go Retro Night.

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

current mood: amused

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12:32 pm - wow, my last entry really annoys me
but i won't delete it because krista left me a comment. *sighs* anyway, yeah, for those of you who don't know. i don't really treat this as my real blog anymore and i only update here when i'm feeling particularly whiney. omg. wow. i can't believe i wrote that last entry. it makes no sense to me at this point.

in other words, i'm doing absolutely great.

and for those of you who are wondering about the smoking thing, that did not end up working out. i wasn't really into it at the time, as you can probably tell. but suddenly i have no more want for cigarrettes, actually, though i have not and probably will not stop smoking flavored camels as they make me happy and i like to keep the tins. and a clove every once in a while is a good thing, too. but i didn't mean to actually tell anyone this time, as i usually do better at things when i don't mention them to others. however, after looking at my last entry . . . i felt the need to show that i am, in fact, sane. really.

addition: March 24: another thing i would like to point out is that there is definitely a difference between "trying to quit smoking" and "suddenly deciding that i don't want to smoke anymore." the difference is that the former does not work and the latter is a decision pretty much set in stone. :P

current mood: mildly entertained

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Monday, March 13th, 2006
1:41 pm - inconsequential emo wishes

why could i never draw the attention of someone like you?
thinking about it makes me want to have a cigarrette
but smoking is probably the reason

it's hard, getting by from day to day

(for those of you who don't know, i have vowed not to buy any more packs of cigarrettes. yesterday i went 18 hours before having one, and only three of those hours were spent sleeping. and if today i don't have one, at 10:30 i will have gone a full day.)

my emo statement of the day: it's great to feel like i'm doing something good for myself . . . too bad there's no real motivation in this world.

*impales self on sharp stick*

current mood: uncertain

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Wednesday, March 1st, 2006
5:00 pm - more blogthings
Your Love Element Is Fire

In love, you are a true listener and totally present.
For you, love is all about feeling more alive than you've ever felt.

You attract others with your joy and passion.
Your flirting style is defined by your strong ability to communicate.

Fun and play are the cornerstones of your love life.
And while your flame may burn too brightly, it's part of your appeal.

You connect best with: Wood

Avoid: Water

You and another Fire element: will likely burn out quickly

Your Life Path Number is 3

Your purpose in life is to express your unique self.

You are a creative and artistic person with an interesting view on life.
Witty and outgoing, you enjoy sharing your crazy ideas with anyone who will listen.
A total social butterfly, you're the life of any party.

In love, you inspire and enchant your partner. You are often an object of fantasy and desire.

While you are very talented, you sometimes lack the ambition to put your talents in play.
And while your wit carries you a long way, you occasionally use it to mask your true feelings.
Your natural abilities can bring you all the success in the world ... if you let them

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Saturday, February 25th, 2006
3:13 pm - colorgenics thingy
Your Colorgenics Personal Profile:

At this time in your life you feel like 'giving up'. For every time you have tried to build up your hopes and dreams something has come along to burst the balloon. You may feel that, at this particular moment in your life, there seems to be no chance of fulfilling these dreams but you are so wrong. You are the sort of person that can influence any situation, that is - If you don't give up. So consciously make the effort... You have that inherent power to succeed.

At this time you 'need to be needed' and again you 'need to need'. You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have the belief that with the right person you could conquer the world.

Everyone has to compromise at times and circumstances are such that at this time you are feeling the need to do just that. Put all of your hopes on the back burner and let matters flow for a time - forgo some of the things you want. The good times are just around the corner.

There is a suppressed anxiety which may be the result of an unsatisfactory or discordant personal relationship. This has led or is leading to unwarranted excess stress and tension. You are angry, uptight and feeling the physical effects of this anxiety. It is essential that you calm down, your physical well-being could be in jeopardy. It would seem that most of your stress is a result of an unsatisfactory relationship. You have tried, or are considering the possibility of trying to restore the love and trust situation - but so far - perhaps to no avail. So the situation is regarded as depressing and this unhappy state continues to aggravate the situation to a point of complete helplessness.

You are worn out and lack both physical and mental energy. This lack of vitality has created an intolerance for any further excitement and you feel that you just cannot carry on; but you have been like that many times before and the situation passed. You again need to get away from it all - even if it is only for a little while. A relaxed body cannot contain a destructive emotion and the secret for you is to just relax.

current mood: amused

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12:36 am
I Am A: Chaotic Good Elf Ranger Bard

Chaotic Good characters are independent types with a strong belief in the value of goodness. They have little use for governments and other forces of order, and will generally do their own things, without heed to such groups.

Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.

Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Solonor Thelandria is the Chaotic Good elven god of archery and the hunt. He is also known as the Keen Eye, the Great Archer, and the Forest Hunter. His followers respect nature, and only hunt when needed, but are quick to defend the forest from intruders. Their favorite weapon is the bow, and they tend to be extremely talented with it. Solonor Thelandria's symbol is an arrow with green fletchings.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Detailed Results:

Lawful Good ----- (-1)
Neutral Good ---- XXXX (4)
Chaotic Good ---- XXXXXX (6)
Lawful Neutral -- (-4)
True Neutral ---- X (1)
Chaotic Neutral - (0)
Lawful Evil ----- (-3)
Neutral Evil ---- (-1)
Chaotic Evil ---- XX (2)

Human ---- (-3)
Half-Elf - XXX (3)
Elf ------ XXXXXXXXXXXXX (13)
Halfling - (-5)
Dwarf ---- (-3)
Half-Orc - XX (2)
Gnome ---- XX (2)

Fighter - X (1)
Ranger -- XXXXXXXXXX (10)
Paladin - (0)
Cleric -- X (1)
Mage ---- XXXXXXX (7)
Druid --- XXXXX (5)
Thief --- (-3)
Bard ---- XXXXXXXX (8)
Monk ---- (0)

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Monday, February 20th, 2006
1:05 am - what is the point of all of this anyway?



coming here

like i think any of it will ever matter

i keep coming back

i don't know why i keep searching


searching searching why?

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Thursday, February 16th, 2006
4:20 pm - it's about time for a survey again

1. if you could only have 5 cds (and all that newage mp3 crap didn't exist):
Ours - Distorted Lullabies
10 Years - The Autumn Effect
Days of the New (the first one)
The Miller Stain Limit - Radiate
Soundgarden - Down on the Upside

2. quote for the day: "as you kiss the abstract and pray it's everything you'd hoped for" - 10 Years, Half Life

3. describe your sunglasses: the dark, yellow-tinted ones i've been wearing in the house; the ones i bought in marquette for when i want to view the world through lilac-colored glasses

4. what do you hope to be doing at this time of today 2 years from now: in grad school, working on a story in my apartment, writing the second or third draft of something, pulling down sheets of paper from various places on the wall around my desk, keeping writing excerpts in various handy places such as the kitchen, blank notebooks and discs full of writing are everywhere, what looks like chaos is to me organized, there is method to my madness

5. the best animal friend you've ever had: my cat darwin who was smarter than me

6. have you ever been in love? that's irrelevent

7. have you ever been in lust? also irrelevent

8. name three recurring elements in your dreams: things written on paper that i can't read (i cannot visualize written words even in daydreams), a person i used to know, cats (not so much anymore)

9. what are your addictions? caffeine, cigarrettes, the internet, hopefully not alcohol

10. what do you like most about your sign of the zodiac? that i view the world emotionally

11. what do you hate most about your sign? everything else - for instance, the whole crab thing, easily manipulated thing, wishy-washy irrational thing, and all that sensitive bullcrap (which isn't really bullcrap, by the way)

12. what do you like the most about yourself? that i learn more and more as time goes on about living life and not listening to other people's bullcrap

13. what do you dislike most about yourself? that i put things off for far too long, lacking the confidence and will power i need to do what i want and be happy (i'm working on at least trying to figure out some way i might be able to change this, but it's a slow process as i'm known for procrastination and lacking confidence and will power)

14. what's your ideal date: acting drunk without drinking and high without using drugs, with someone else who enjoys these things as much as i do

15. how do you want to live your life? laughing

16. how do you want to die? laughing - when i'm on my deathbed someday and my life is flashing before my eyes, i want all the memories to be funny ones and i want to go out thinking "yeah this was a good life" and laughing hysterically with a huge smile on my face

17. if you had a million dollars how would you spend it? grad school

18. who are your best friends and how long have you known them?
cathy - about 18 years
krista - about 15 years
aimee - about 8 years (i think)
charlie - also about 8 years (i think)

19. if you had a million dollars would you share it with these friends? i'd think about it . . .

20. general annalysis:
- sun sign, element: cancer, water
- chinese zodiac sign, element: dog, water
- myers-briggs leters: ENFP/INFP
- right brained or left brained: middle brained
- 2 favorite animals: maned wolf (fox-on-stilts), mountian lion
- favorite color: road-sign yellow
- favorite number: 8

current mood: distracted

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3:35 pm - i want to be somewhere else and am tired of the daylight

thursday. feb. 16. 2006. today i became very angry with my horoscope. skipping work. wearing sunglasses in the house. smoking a cigarette. decided that it's never to early to start drinking.

this is not where i want to be. of course. but where i want to be i don't even know. i just wish it were summer already so i could start saving up money to move away to a city where there are real jobs in the winter, and then i can work on my plans for getting into grad school in 2007.

i hope i don't become an alcoholic by then. i'm sure i won't. this is just another of my weird little emo phases. i like picking random things and pretending they make all the world make sense.

current mood: emocentric

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Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
5:26 pm - free things!!!!
INFP - "Questor". High capacity for caring. Emotional face to the world. High sense of honor derived from internal values. 4.4% of total population.
Free Jung Personality Test (similar to Myers-Briggs/MBTI)

Brain Lateralization Test Results
Right Brain (62%) The right hemisphere is the visual, figurative, artistic, and intuitive side of the brain.
Left Brain (40%) The left hemisphere is the logical, articulate, assertive, and practical side of the brain
Are You Right or Left Brained?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Personality Disorder Test Results
Paranoid |||| 18%
Schizoid |||||||||||||||| 62%
Schizotypal |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Antisocial |||||||||||| 50%
Borderline |||| 18%
Histrionic || 10%
Narcissistic |||||||||||| 42%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 42%
Dependent || 10%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 26%
Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

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Tuesday, February 14th, 2006
4:37 pm - i'm not as bad as they might make me out to be

well i seem to be over my latest little bout of euphoria.

i don't know why i keep doing this to myself.

i'll probably never stop.

i guess we all need something to believe is real.

the the real point is that even if it isn't everything i've ever wanted, it's still something. something important. the next new thing to catalogue in my brain.

someday it will all make sense.

the newest love of my life is "the autumn effect" by 10 years. i decided in my car today that i don't want to listen to any other music ever again (similiar to my feellings in january for the miller stain limit's "radiate".


You should be dating a Capricorn. (i added the cancer image because that's what i am.)
22 December - 19 January
Your mate is cautious and realistic, hard working,

and loyal. Though he/she has the tendency to

be egotistical, unforgiving, or anxious,

Capricorns experience an intense feeling of

satisfaction while sharing their bed with the

one they love.

What Zodiac Sign Are You Attracted To?
brought to you by Quizilla

current mood: only half delusional

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